Sleepy Saturdays: Magical Sheep

Welcome again to another edition of Sleepy Saturdays, where it is my mission to get you out of that post Friday funk. Today on Sleepy Saturdays I have a video for you. Now, this isn’t your typical video. Most of you will be so confused and horrified, that you probably won’t even want to watch it until the end. But I have faith that you will come back. Without knowing you have already submitted your mind to the whim of the magical sheep, which I have fondly named Charlie. So without no further ado, I give you…Charlie, the magical sheep.

Mini Robots Out to Destroy Humanity

A VirusWhat do you see when you look at this picture? It has eight legs, a screw like base, geometric shaped body… I think if you asked any kid what they thought that was, they would say it looks like a robot. But no, you go to biology class, and they tell you that it’s something called a virus. They make us sick, even kill us. Scientists don’t even consider these things alive. Yet they believe that they’re totally natural beings.

When did we get so naive? It’s obvious what it is. This is a microscopic killer robot. There is no other explanation. These robots seek out targets and destroy them indiscriminately. The question is, who designed these robots and how do we stop them?

Are our scientists being controlled by alien beings? Lying to us about the nature of these things? We must find out, and soon… before we all catch another cold. I will investigate this breakthrough further…until then, may god help you.

Greatest Archeological Discovery In Last Century Found in Jerusalem

The BellA team has just announced that last week in Jerusalem they had uncovered one of the most astounding archeological finds of our time. The team, searching a series of ancient sewers under Jerusalem, found a half inch golden bell hidden among debris.   “It’s an astounding find” said Eli Shukron of the Israel Antiquities Authority, “You can only hope for a discovery like this in your lifetime. I’m quite thrilled that my team and I get a chance to research this brilliant object.”

It is easy to see why the bell is causing so much excitiment in the archeology world. When Shukron shook the bell for reporters yesterday, the sound was absolutley divine, and very familiar. The immediate consensus around the room was that the sound was almost exactly like the sound of when you bang two lego men together. “We came to the same conclusion.” Shukron explained. “The sound is so universal, so primal. Any child could recognize this sound.” The ramifications of this find could rock the basis of history. It’s a well known fact that the sound of two lego men are banging together can only occur when you are actually playing with legos, whether they be fighting, or when they run into each other by accident during deep space exploration. There is no other known way to reproduce the unique sound. To confirm the research teams suspicion, an X-ray was taken of the bell. This is what they found.
Bell X-ray
Legos were thought to be first created in 1932 by Danish Inventor Kirk Christiansen. The only possible explanation of this find is that Legos are far more ancient than anyone has ever dreamed. Researchers are pouring through all available information, trying to identify who’s bell this actually was, though they think they have found a very important clue. On the top of the bell is a small loop which they believe was the mark of a Jerusalem brothel founded around the same period as the bell, named Legothiam. “This is a very important clue as to the origin of the bell, and perhaps all Legos. This specially designed loop was probably threaded, and embroidered into the clothes owned by the prostitutes. The sound was was probably a call to men of the city to come to the brothel, similar to today.”

We have contacted lego and they gave us this statement: “We are quite certain that Kirk Christiansen created Legos, and we are calling for a full investigation into the matter”.

Many questions still remain in this mystery, but it is no doubt that this will probably rewrite history as we know it.

For more coverage on this story, please visit these reputable news sources:

Boston Globe

USA Today

Sleepy Saturdays: Comic-Con

Comic-Con LogoWelcome loyal readers to another edition of Maxim is too hung over to write aka Sleep Saturdays. Today on Sleepy Saturdays we celebrate the beginning of a great American icon, Comic-Con in San Diego. And the best thing about Comic-Con? All the awesome cosplay action. Here are some kick ass cosplay pics for your pleasure. Don’t work Handgelina too much now!

Black SpidermanI feel like spiderman needs something a little…more.
SpartanSpartan man definitely has enough of it. Go give spidey some pointers.
Block warriors.Am I stupid for not knowing what these guys are? Still awesome. I love being in cardboard!
Some Star Wars DudeThis guy makes me wet.
Storm TrooperMy hero. Don’t mess.

So far all you comic lovers out there, make the world a better place by dressing up as you favorite characters and strutting your stuff. Doesn’t even have to be at a convention. I guarantee wherever you go you will be extremely popular. The best part about it is I will love you for it.

Happy Saturday!

-Maxim

Bro Operation Updates

Bros AngryYo, a big wassup to all my bros down on the shore and beyond. This is DJ Eddie Q in for DJ Pauly D and DJ Danny J. Just wanna give all you kick-ass brosephs and ladies an update on our ongoing war against the geeked out nerd gang ‘Anonymous’. In case you haven’t been paying attention to Bro channel news updates, Elite Bro Force Tan Gibroni, and Muscle Group Steroid X have been at it again. Thanks to their sweaty, muscly, tanned arms and blown out ultra tentacle hair (a recent upgrade thanks to the new Santini Carbon Bibs 2XL AGT fluid hair gel), they skull fucked almost 20 more Anon-cock-nerd Anonymous assholes (How clever is this guy right here?). Congrats guys. Way to continue our dominance over those fucking Anonymous gibronis’.

DJ Pauly DIn other news, our broseph regional leader at the shore, DJ Pauly D, who has been a golden beacon of light for us bros in the ultra bromance movement, has been making a lot of news recently, and I just want to address any concerns the average bro might have over some rumors they may have heard. Yes, DJ Pauly D has pierced is joint. He pierced is crown jewel. I just wanted to confirm this with the community and let you know it is not gay. It is the most juiced up dong I have ever seen. I even took some pictures down to the bro council at Ronnie’s Gym/Tanning Boutique and we all agreed, what a fucking bro. To any of those fag-bros who want to go against the bro-tacular DJ Pauly D, you’re going to have to go up against me, DJ Eddie Q, first, aight? One more thing, due to the immense bro-ness of Pauly’s pierced joint, he has decided to pose for the respectable women’s magazine ‘Playgirl’. We’ve all agreed at the council that this is pretty fucking bro-tastic. If anyone wants to congratulate our juiced up brother, hit up Jenks down at the shore and get our fucking sweet ass muscle bro rep Pauly D some juiced-up jager-bombs for him and his all bro crew.

That’s it for the updates straight from DJ Eddie Q down at the shore. Keep it real, bros, and don’t forget to rip all those anonymous nerd-queers a new asshole if you see ’em!

By the way if any bros wanna upgrade to the new Santini Carbon Bibs 2XL AGT fluid hair gel, just let Vinny down at Flower Street Hair and Beauty know. He’ll hook you up and blow you out.
Bros kissing.