Yo, a big wassup to all my bros down on the shore and beyond. This is DJ Eddie Q in for DJ Pauly D and DJ Danny J. Just wanna give all you kick-ass brosephs and ladies an update on our ongoing war against the geeked out nerd gang ‘Anonymous’. In case you haven’t been paying attention to Bro channel news updates, Elite Bro Force Tan Gibroni, and Muscle Group Steroid X have been at it again. Thanks to their sweaty, muscly, tanned arms and blown out ultra tentacle hair (a recent upgrade thanks to the new Santini Carbon Bibs 2XL AGT fluid hair gel), they skull fucked almost 20 more Anon-cock-nerd Anonymous assholes (How clever is this guy right here?). Congrats guys. Way to continue our dominance over those fucking Anonymous gibronis’.
In other news, our broseph regional leader at the shore, DJ Pauly D, who has been a golden beacon of light for us bros in the ultra bromance movement, has been making a lot of news recently, and I just want to address any concerns the average bro might have over some rumors they may have heard. Yes, DJ Pauly D has pierced is joint. He pierced is crown jewel. I just wanted to confirm this with the community and let you know it is not gay. It is the most juiced up dong I have ever seen. I even took some pictures down to the bro council at Ronnie’s Gym/Tanning Boutique and we all agreed, what a fucking bro. To any of those fag-bros who want to go against the bro-tacular DJ Pauly D, you’re going to have to go up against me, DJ Eddie Q, first, aight? One more thing, due to the immense bro-ness of Pauly’s pierced joint, he has decided to pose for the respectable women’s magazine ‘Playgirl’. We’ve all agreed at the council that this is pretty fucking bro-tastic. If anyone wants to congratulate our juiced up brother, hit up Jenks down at the shore and get our fucking sweet ass muscle bro rep Pauly D some juiced-up jager-bombs for him and his all bro crew.
That’s it for the updates straight from DJ Eddie Q down at the shore. Keep it real, bros, and don’t forget to rip all those anonymous nerd-queers a new asshole if you see ’em!
By the way if any bros wanna upgrade to the new Santini Carbon Bibs 2XL AGT fluid hair gel, just let Vinny down at Flower Street Hair and Beauty know. He’ll hook you up and blow you out.
My bros. The world is turning upside down. We are now living in an age where our massive sex appeal, our incredibly large muscles, our quick tempers, our awesome tans, and our popped collars are losing their influence. What’s taking its place? Online hacker nerds. Yes, our arch enemies. The scrawny weiner kids with glasses we beat up at school are now claiming that they’re the shit. These guys, using names like “lulzsec”, “Anonymous”, and “/b/tards”, are going around, fucking with the CIA, fucking with Sony, and fucking with our countries shit. Now I know every self respecting Bro who loves their country should be up in arms about this, but I don’t see any action from the very respectful bro representatives at “the shore”. I mean, DJ Pauly D hasn’t said a thing, and you know that asshole Vinny won’t do anything. Our leadership is incapable. We got to take this into our own hands.
True bros know what really counts in this world. Muscles, tans, and of course, just being the fucking man all the time. That’s why I am calling up all the real bro’s in the world to fight against these ninnies. They may be able to hack into our computer, steal our naked photos, steal our social security numbers, our credit card information, our tanning salon account IDs, but they can’t, I repeat, CAN’T, steal our muscles. So we’re gonna use them. We will make them pay for the Denial of Service attacks on the Javina’s Tanning Salon, and Ronnie’s Man the Fuck Up Gym’s websites. We will go around the country, searching for these nerds wherever they may be, and kick those damn lizard fucking foureyes’ asses!
Here’s what those gibronis look like:
You remember those assholes, right? All right bros, let’s go get those nerds.