Tag Archives: bros

Bro Operation Updates

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Bros AngryYo, a big wassup to all my bros down on the shore and beyond. This is DJ Eddie Q in for DJ Pauly D and DJ Danny J. Just wanna give all you kick-ass brosephs and ladies an update on our ongoing war against the geeked out nerd gang ‘Anonymous’. In case you haven’t been paying attention to Bro channel news updates, Elite Bro Force Tan Gibroni, and Muscle Group Steroid X have been at it again. Thanks to their sweaty, muscly, tanned arms and blown out ultra tentacle hair (a recent upgrade thanks to the new Santini Carbon Bibs 2XL AGT fluid hair gel), they skull fucked almost 20 more Anon-cock-nerd Anonymous assholes (How clever is this guy right here?). Congrats guys. Way to continue our dominance over those fucking Anonymous gibronis’.

DJ Pauly DIn other news, our broseph regional leader at the shore, DJ Pauly D, who has been a golden beacon of light for us bros in the ultra bromance movement, has been making a lot of news recently, and I just want to address any concerns the average bro might have over some rumors they may have heard. Yes, DJ Pauly D has pierced is joint. He pierced is crown jewel. I just wanted to confirm this with the community and let you know it is not gay. It is the most juiced up dong I have ever seen. I even took some pictures down to the bro council at Ronnie’s Gym/Tanning Boutique and we all agreed, what a fucking bro. To any of those fag-bros who want to go against the bro-tacular DJ Pauly D, you’re going to have to go up against me, DJ Eddie Q, first, aight? One more thing, due to the immense bro-ness of Pauly’s pierced joint, he has decided to pose for the respectable women’s magazine ‘Playgirl’. We’ve all agreed at the council that this is pretty fucking bro-tastic. If anyone wants to congratulate our juiced up brother, hit up Jenks down at the shore and get our fucking sweet ass muscle bro rep Pauly D some juiced-up jager-bombs for him and his all bro crew.

That’s it for the updates straight from DJ Eddie Q down at the shore. Keep it real, bros, and don’t forget to rip all those anonymous nerd-queers a new asshole if you see ’em!

By the way if any bros wanna upgrade to the new Santini Carbon Bibs 2XL AGT fluid hair gel, just let Vinny down at Flower Street Hair and Beauty know. He’ll hook you up and blow you out.
Bros kissing.

How People Found Me: Top 10

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In honor of my twentieth blog post, I’d like to try something a little bit different. Some of you may not know that because we live in a creepy big brother like future, I’m able to track pretty much everything about the people who come here: IP’s (where you’re from), links clicked, who shared my articles, page views, etc. However, the most interesting stat I get is the search engine terms used to reach my blog. Like if you were to to to google and type in “Maxim’s Madness is so AWESOME” into google, and the search results brought you here, that would show up. Since my blog isn’t exactly about normal things, people who get here by through a search engine enter some pretty strange things find their way here. I’ve been compiling a list of the most awesome. I have come up with the best ten. Remember, people actually searched for these things. Enjoy.

“i’m coming after you bro”

I guess this kinda makes sense, since I did advocate for “bros” to “go after” some lulz people. Still funny to me that some angry person would actually search for this.

“arnold fuck you asshole gif”

The thing that this guy was searching for is far better than anything this blog has ever released. Damn right, Arnold!

“i´m sad so i´m gonna cut myself”

This person was depressed. He came here, and I saved his life through joy.

“desperate pee women”

I feel like this person was destined to come to my site. I hope he found what he was looking for. Also, I hope he found this.

“japanese ass”

Yes, we are a porn site. You haven’t found the hidden links yet?? Get going!

“i love an asshole”

Oh, do I love me some asshole.

“god gonna cut ya down”

Goddamn… this guy seriously needs some more lovin’.

“russian mafia dick”

Russian is the best kind. Another secret area of the site. More than enough Russian mafia dicks to go around.

“camille cacnio chinese thief”

I thought she was Thai. Oh well.

“if jesus comes back hang him again”

Who thinks of this crap!? How did he get here!? What the hell!?

And that’s the list. Thanks for twenty great posts! Here’s to twenty more (not likely).

-Maxim

We did it Bros! VIC-TO-RY!

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Have all you bros out there heard the news? Thanks to the quick mobilization of the elite Bro force Tan Gibroni, and Muscle Group Steroid X, Lulzsec, the group full of nerds hacking our most precious websites, has ran away to their mommies. We knew it would be an easy fight, since these nerds are nothing compared to bro power, but we had no idea it would be this easy. Only six days after our initial call to arms, we destroyed their whole chicken-shit organization. We found one of their leaders through the ancient bro power of nerdsense down on Chester by kinkos. He had some gay robot nerd shit guarding his place, but from the reports, the team just got juiced as hell and kicked all that stuff to shit.

I really just want to thank all the bros who participated around the country. Without your incredible brosephness, this would not of been possible. Just wanna give another shout out to DJ Danny J, for stepping it up in the absence of DJ Pauly D, and also Vinny and the boys for just being all around bro channel elite gentleman during this whole ordeal.

This is just a lesson to all the nerd groups out there. You thought that you were on top, with your dumb nerd attacks on the CIA, well we’re getting back on top, just like in High School, and we’ll kick your ass. So be afraid. It isn’t over yet, gibroni.

Now we can finally start making our homemade porn videos again, and log into our favorite tanning websites to check out the latest bro styles. To celebrate we got a big party down at Jenks tonight. So get your hair dryer and blow your hair out like it’s never been out. Lets go down to the shore and rock that shit.

In the words of the bro god Johnny Drama… VICTORY!

A Call to All Bros

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My bros. The world is turning upside down. We are now living in an age where our massive sex appeal, our incredibly large muscles, our quick tempers, our awesome tans, and our popped collars are losing their influence. What’s taking its place? Online hacker nerds. Yes, our arch enemies. The scrawny weiner kids with glasses we beat up at school are now claiming that they’re the shit. These guys, using names like “lulzsec”, “Anonymous”, and “/b/tards”, are going around, fucking with the CIA, fucking with Sony, and fucking with our countries shit. Now I know every self respecting Bro who loves their country should be up in arms about this, but I don’t see any action from the very respectful bro representatives at “the shore”. I mean, DJ Pauly D hasn’t said a thing, and you know that asshole Vinny won’t do anything. Our leadership is incapable. We got to take this into our own hands.

True bros know what really counts in this world. Muscles, tans, and of course, just being the fucking man all the time. That’s why I am calling up all the real bro’s in the world to fight against these ninnies. They may be able to hack into our computer, steal our naked photos, steal our social security numbers, our credit card information, our tanning salon account IDs, but they can’t, I repeat, CAN’T, steal our muscles. So we’re gonna use them. We will make them pay for the Denial of Service attacks on the Javina’s Tanning Salon, and Ronnie’s Man the Fuck Up Gym’s websites. We will go around the country, searching for these nerds wherever they may be, and kick those damn lizard fucking foureyes’ asses!

Here’s what those gibronis look like:

You remember those assholes, right? All right bros, let’s go get those nerds.