I Have Come Up With the Best Personality Quiz EvAr

Okay, you guys all have experienced something like this. You open up Facebook, or your email, or whatever you use to communicate with people, and see that all of your friends have sent you something like this…
First Four Word Personality Test

What the fuck? Happy face? Oh no, wait… It’s a trap! Personality quiz?? Crap, you read the instructions! Now you to take it because it says If you don’t send it to 50 other people you’re going to get your junk chopped off! So you spend 10 minutes looking for a god damn word and then when you finally find one, it’s something like, “peaceful”. Then you think “Peaceful!? What the hell? I’m not peaceful! I was just about to throw my computer right in the face of my girlffriend in frustration cause I couldn’t find frickin’ a word for ten minutes!”. Then you think, “This quiz is complete bullshit, we need something better!” And that’s where I come in, your faithful genius here at Maxim’s Madness.

I was tired of seeing all my friends either getting their junk chopped off, or getting answers that were complete bologna all the time. So I decided I was going to devote all my time from now on into developing the best darned personality quiz of all time. And after years of painstaking research, I finally did it.

Behold the awesomeness.



Note: You’ll probably need a pen and paper, unless you are some kind of genius.

1. Write down the first four things your eyes are drawn to in this picture.
A little girls room
2.For the first and third thing on your list, note the first letter. For the second and fourth thing, note the third letter.

3. Find the most awesome book in your house.

4. Add up the number of letters in the words of the four things you found. Whatever the sum is, go to that page in your awesome book.

5. Keeping in mind the letters taken from step two, start reading the page. When you find an word that starts with one of your letters, write it down. Anything goes, even pronouns and particles! You should have four by the end.

6. Try to make a sentence with your words, if you can’t, your journey has ended. You are bound for a miserable life full of upset and betrayal. Now get out off my site. If you were able to make a sentence, good for you! Move on to the next step.

7. Think about your sentence for a bit. Work it out in your head. Like most clues from the great beyond, the meaning won’t hit you all at once. Think about it for a few days. Let it seep deep into your mind. It give you the most profound insight on your soul you’ve ever had.


Here's what I got…

My four things: deer, jacket, divider, bed.
The letters: D, D, D, and C.
My book: A Feast for Crows by George R.R. Martin (It was the closest one to me at the time, but its still awesome!)
The page: 20
The words: dragon, do, coin, did.
The sentence: Did Coin do Dragon?

How erotic… I wonder who Coin and Dragon are. I feel like this is a sentence midway between some heavy gossip by two teenaged girls. But I don't even know who these two people are… I guess I'm…eavesdropping! Yes…I'm eavesdropping on two people! And who eavesdrops? Oh, shit! I'm a frickin spy! The quiz is telling me I should be a spy! Just like I’ve always wanted wanted. I’m so happy.

What did I say? 100% accurate, and scientifically provable.

Try it out! Tell me what you guys got!

Solar Panels: What Democrats Don’t Want You to Know

President Obama at SolyndraRecently, a company called Solyndra has come under fire by republicans for taking a federal loan and subsequently going out of business, losing American taxpayers millions of dollars. This company was part of the Obama administration’s so called “green initiative”, investing in companies that produce green energy. Republicans want to hold accountable those administration members who loaned in spite of previous knowledge that the company was not doing too well in the first place. In addition to Solyndra’s half a billion dollars, another 3.75 billion dollars went to fund other solar panel manufacturers, the details just being made public recently.

Republicans are fighting a valiant battle against these green solar companies, but not for that bullshit I just mentioned. Everyone knows that 3.75 billion dollars is bubcus. No one gives a shit. Let me give you an inside story you’re not going to hear on any of those main stream media outlets. Republican party officials have come across extremely sensitive information that has planet-wide implications. Because of this new information, the republican leadership has decided to use whatever means necessary to stop the production of solar panels. However, it has also been decided that alerting the public of this extreamly sensitive information could cause massive world destabilization if released. And I don’t blame them, it’s pretty fucked. So, republicans are using whatever means neccisary to stop these things from being made, including bitching about a pocket change. Hey, it’s working right?

Evil Solar PanelsSo what is this information republicans are sitting on that not only caused them to be so anti-solar, but can’t be released to the public? I was able to get my hands on this information with my super spy skills! My girlfriend helped I guess. Well, it’s not that they’ll all be paid millions of dollars in campaign donations from big oil. That’s what you were thinking, wasn’t it? It’s actually quite the opposite. Solar panels are going to destroy the planet. Yes, DESTROY the planet. How so? By absorbing the sun. We all know how solar panels work, right? Specially designed panels produce energy by absorbing the suns rays and converting it into power we can use. But did we ever think about what this was doing to the thing producing those rays? Did we actually think the suns energy would last forever, especially if we kept absorbing it for our own selfish uses? Think again. I’ve done some calculations, and at our current pace of sun energy consumption, the sun will be depleted of energy in just under 5 billion years. Simply terrifying.

So why is the current administration so keen on depleting this precious resource? Those bastards have the same information the republicans do. Why don’t they stop this madness? Why pass on the problem to our childrens, childrens, childrens, childrens, childrens, childrens, childrens times a billion childrens, children? Money. It’s always about the money. There’s thousands of dollars to be made for those who support these evil industries. What greed. Well, now we know better Mr. President.

The earth and the sun.

A picture of the earth and the sun from space. The blue spot is the earth. Look how much of the sun its sucking up! We're so fucked.

I call for everyone and their mothers to go out tomorrow and destroy all solar panals! For the good of the planet!


Tatooine Found?

Binary Star SystemWe got some exciting stuff for you today! This story caught my attention a couple of days ago and I feel it is my duty to inform the public. The Kepler telescope, a telescope designed for searching for extra-solar planets, has discovered a planet orbiting two suns. The planet is thought to be an uninhabited gas giant.

Scientists are hailing this as a breakthrough discovery since it is the first planet found to orbit a binary star system. Though I think they’re missing something even more important… some have suggested, and I think rightfully, that this planet is probably the famous planet from the Star Wars universe, Tatooine. You remember, Luke Skywalker’s home? The one with all the desert and the two suns? Yeah, you remember. Think about it, many of you know that the whole Star Wars saga takes place “a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away”. right? Okay. Most of you also know that when we observe a far away object from earth, we are observing the object as it appeared in the past, depending on how many light years it is away from us. So why shouldn’t it be Tatooine? It fits the bill! Well, I’ve done my own calculations, and I’m pretty sure that we can pinpoint, based on the distance of the system, and the exact time I have figured to be “a long, long time ago” to be, that we are looking at the Tatooine shortly after the events of Return of the Jedi. Don’t question my calculations! Anyway, pretty cool, right?

However, this discovery is also quite troubling. Since Tatooine appears like it is no longer inhabitable, I think we can safely say that Tatooine has been assaulted by some sort of incredibly destructive force not yet known even by the great sage George Lucas. Something maybe even more powerful than Darth Vader… but not the Death Star…the Death Star would destroy the planet, right? Anyway, since we have been dependent on the famous historian Lucas for all information on that part of the universe so far, and there has been no word from his camp on this matter, it may just go to show that perhaps he just doesn’t know. Maybe there are no records from this galaxy after Return of the Jedi. Maybe whatever happened to Tatooine has affected the whole Star Wars universe. Maybe there is nothing left.

I urge NASA to refocus the Kepler telescope on this area and see if we can discover more planets from the Star Wars universe. We must find out the fate of our friends. If not to help them, but to at least make another movie.

Luke Skywalker, Tatooine

Making new discoveries every day,