America is Under Attack… And I Know Who’s Doing It

Welcome to part 3 of my vacation series! Have you been keeping up all week? I’m sure you have! Many of you know that last month I returned to my home sweet home in the beautiful United States, but what you probably didn’t know is that I also invited the girl who likes to call me her boyfriend. She happens to be Japanese and it was her first time out of Japan. How exciting, right? No, I was naive.

Everything seemed to be normal. We were havin a great time seeing the sights, driving around, shopping, and taking cute pictures with way to many peace signs.  But I soon realized that soon after we would leave an area, some strange sort of destruction would occur there. This kept happening over and over again, and I had begun to grow very suspicious. Listen to this…

For the first couple of days we drove up to see Niagara Falls. It was a beautiful place. Yet the next day, for the first time in decades, a Japanese college student fell fell into the river over the falls and to her death. They haven’t found the body. I mentioned it to my girlfriend and she told me that people slip and fall on wet rocks all the time, this just happened to be on the side of a large waterfall. Curious.

Next. We spent the rest of our trip in New York. We had a great time. Until finally it was time to go home. We take off in an airplane, back to Japan. I returned home and soon after, the east coast has its first major earthquake in 50 years. I mentioned this to her as well. She told me that the east coast was due for a large earthquake, and it’s nothing to be scared of. “In Japan, we have earthquakes everyday, pussy!”, she boasted. Very curious.

And finally yesterday, yet again another huge natural disaster is on its way up the east coast. A once in a century, category 4 hurricane, which promises to be one of the most damaging and expensive hurricanes ever, and we just happened to leave just a couple of days ago, again. Coincidence? I think not. I was under the impression my girlfriend was a Japanese spy tasked with the destruction of America. Evil bitch.
Japanese Spy

Under the guise as her loving girlfriend, I entered her parents house (aka Ninja central) yesterday evening. I was looking for evidence of the terrible things she may have done, hoping not to find what I sought. What I found was worse than I could of possibly imagined.

The Japanese girl who fell in Niagara? A defecter who took asylum in the states years ago, feeding the US with information on the the movements of other covert ninja operatives in North America. My girlfriend made short work of her, though. Attaching a small slip gel dispensor on the womans shoes covertly, she patiently waited until the girl was taking photos next to the falls. Using a remote device, she dispensed the super secret Japanese engineered gel. The rest is history. She won’t be causing my girlfriend any trouble anymore.

How about our trip around New York and the surrounding area? Reconnaissance. We drove for countless hours in the countryside. Now that I think about it she was always holding this device which looked deceivingly like a cell phone. In actually, it was a geological surveryor, which could detect weaknesses in faultlines. After our departure from the states, the Japanese governement used the information she gathered for their secret underground plate shifting resinating wave. The resulting earthquake caused destruction to some of our most beloved monuments.

And the most recent and dangerous blow, in motion as we speak: My girlfriend had mentioned several times over the course of the trip that she was a “rain woman”, a cursed soul who causes rain to fall whenever they are walking around. It did rain a lot while we were there, but I just played it off as bad luck. Little did I know the Japanese government had actually developed a weather changing device. My girlfriends third and most calculating task was was to test this device for their master plan… creating and setting loose a massive hurricane to destroy the most populated city centers in the US. The category 4 hurricane is on its way as we speak.

How had I been so naive? My girlfriend had been using me all along. I was a tool in the an attack on my homeland, the likes which had never been seen since 1945. She brought us Pearl Harbor 2. How could I ever forgive myself?

Who knows what other diabolical schemes she and the ninjas have up their sleeve…
Banzai!

So, yeah, my girlfriends a spy, a fucking ninja. Hot!

19 thoughts on “America is Under Attack… And I Know Who’s Doing It

  1. Niagara Falls? Weird. I live super close. I will be sure to provide the police there with the information you have just provided. Looks like Jason’s going to be a national hero!

    • Please do, there’s nothing I can do from here. AMERICA NEEDS MORE BRAVE MEN LIKE YOU! Shit, be careful… ninja spy may be monitoring this channel…. *click*

    • I could possible do that… maybe push more south as a consolation.

      As for Ninja spy bars, I would say… yes, definitely. There are lots of ninja experiences to be had. My favorite is the ninja death house. Trap doors, flying shurikens… oh yes, golden.

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