Tag Archives: toys

I Played With Girls Toys and Enjoyed It

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GI Joes, Transformers, Remote Control Cars, and Legos. Yeah, I played with all those things. I enjoyed them very much. But there was something else, something much more… feminine that I liked to play with. My parents never had a problem with it, and I never gave it a second thought until now. I remember this very fondly, but I also do realize that what I was really doing was playing with girly toys.
When I was younger I had many girl friends. I had more girl friends then I did boy friends (They all wanted to marry by the way, not to boast). I would go to these girl friends houses and play with them. One friend in particular I really had a good time with. So what did we play? We played house, and we played house with Barbie dolls. She had it all. She had tons of Barbies, a Barbie dream house, a Barbie convertible, and of course Ken, Barbie’s cool boyfriend. I would be Ken, and my friend would be Barbie. We were married, (or soon to be married) and we had a life together, with a house, and a car, and a dog. Sometimes we would put our dolls in bed and make them kiss, cause that’s what adults did in bed. I wouldn’t look of course, because that was gross.

I loved this. That’s all I wanted to do. For a while I hadn’t brought this girly infection back home with me, but it wasn’t contained for long. One day I went to my this girls house, and she had the coolest Barbie doll I had ever seen. It was Aladdin, from the recently released Aladdin disney movie. It was awesome. It came with two costumes, Aladdin street rat, and Aladdin prince. It also had a little pet Apu! It could fly in my mind. Pure awesome. I played with it a couple of times at my friends house untill I couldn’t help myself and I asked my mom to get it for me for Christmas. In a house that didn’t allow any videogames (which at this time meant Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis), this was my best option that year. The girly toys had invaded my home. It was badass.

This went on and off till around 4th grade. After that I had changed schools, and lost of of my girlfriends so I had to play with boy stuff again. Well, it was good while it lasted.

I’m not ashamed of my dabbling into girls toys. It was awesome. I had a great time. Sometimes I would strip my dolls down and would make them dance naked. Totally not girly. And look at me now, a badass bro, ruling the world with my words. It was worth every minute.

-Maxim

The Four Year Old Artist

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When I was very young I took art classes. My mom would invite all my friends to my house, and paid someone to come and teach us art. I don’t know how old I was but it was probably around kindergarten. My mom recently told me that I created some sort of clay sculpture that the art teacher said was absolutely ingenious. She also said I was better than anyone in the class and I should continue to pursue art to nurture my “gift”. I have no recollection of this and my mom said that this sculpture was broken shortly after I made it, though, I can imagine how it probably looked. Judging from other pieces of art I created from this time, it was probably a formless blob. Yes, my formless clay blob was a work of frickin’ genius.

Warping back to today, I can only wonder where all my artistic talent has gone. Today at work I was urged by some kindergarteners to draw something for them. I drew an awesome stick-figure, sticking his tongue out, giving the thumbs up sign. I was ridiculed by the group of girls for the next hour (I get ridiculed a lot, by the way). They showed me all the awesome art that they’ve drawn, and it was incredible… well, for kindergartners. But these six year olds girls were light years ahead of me. They then took my drawing and ran all over showing it to as many people as they could. Everyone laughed at me. Then for the rest of recess they continuously snook up behind me and slapped me hard in the back for my indiscretion. That shit hurt.

So anyway, this 4 year old australian girl is getting a lot of attention in the art community. She has an exhibition of her work showing in New York, and she is getting offers up to 30,000 dollars for one piece. I got to say the amount of hoola-hoops people are going through to peg this girl as an art prodigy are absolutely staggering.

First, lets take a look at two of her featured works:

Get it? No? Here are some explanations the artist gave while showing off her work. I took the liberty to mark the parts of the paintings she is talking about.

"That's corral, and that is a corralSSS, and that is the dolphin waving to the rock".

"That is the river, and that is the boat with allllll of the rrrainbow...uhh. b-b-birdies going to their mommy. And thats the...errr. baby bird coming to the same mommy".

So what genre of art would you put these paintings in? If the first thing that came to your head was “abstract expressionism with a dash of surrealism”, you’re right! That’s what the art community is calling her work. Now take a moment and think back to my clay blob… or any kids art for that matter. Expressing themselves? Check. Abstract? Check. Why? Because usually kids can’t draw for shit. You know it’s true. How many times does a kid come up to their parents and say “Look what I drew in class today!” and the parents goes “Ohhh… what a cute puppy!” and the child replies “It’s not a puppy, it’s a horseshoe crab…asshole!” and runs away crying. I challenge this girl to paint anything that isn’t blobs of paint with glued on dolphins. Seriously.

A big reason why they’re claiming that she’s a real artist, and not just some kid throwing paint around, is because she’s consistent. The gallery director, Angela di Bello, explains that her children were painters as well. But her children’s painting didn’t look the same each time, they weren’t consistant. That’s why they weren’t real artists. Remember those girls who made fun of me today for my stick figure drawing? Yeah, they were pretty awesome at drawing but, the one thing is, all their drawings looked exactly the fucking same. They just draw the same things over and over again. Thats what  kids do. They like princesses? They’re gonna draw a hundred princesses. Princess needs a pony? Yeah, those hundred princesses are each getting their pony.

You may be saying to yourself, “Yeah, that all may be true, but these paintings look a lot better than my kids paintings.” Wanna know why? If your child showed an interest in painting, most parents would give their kids some water colors and a sheet of paper. This girls parents are artists. They’ve been giving their daughter unlimited professional paints and canvases literally since she was in diapers. They basically put her in a room with a canvas, paint, and toys and tell her to go at it. Tell me, what kid couldn’t do that?

So, one’s gotta ask… Who’s getting the money from all these paintings? Certainly not the little kid. Yeah, it’s the parents. Fucking assholes.

Anyway, if you still don’t understand what I’m talking about, watch this video. And pay extra attention to the little girl. She’s, well…special.