Tag Archives: maxim

I Played With Girls Toys and Enjoyed It

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GI Joes, Transformers, Remote Control Cars, and Legos. Yeah, I played with all those things. I enjoyed them very much. But there was something else, something much more… feminine that I liked to play with. My parents never had a problem with it, and I never gave it a second thought until now. I remember this very fondly, but I also do realize that what I was really doing was playing with girly toys.
When I was younger I had many girl friends. I had more girl friends then I did boy friends (They all wanted to marry by the way, not to boast). I would go to these girl friends houses and play with them. One friend in particular I really had a good time with. So what did we play? We played house, and we played house with Barbie dolls. She had it all. She had tons of Barbies, a Barbie dream house, a Barbie convertible, and of course Ken, Barbie’s cool boyfriend. I would be Ken, and my friend would be Barbie. We were married, (or soon to be married) and we had a life together, with a house, and a car, and a dog. Sometimes we would put our dolls in bed and make them kiss, cause that’s what adults did in bed. I wouldn’t look of course, because that was gross.

I loved this. That’s all I wanted to do. For a while I hadn’t brought this girly infection back home with me, but it wasn’t contained for long. One day I went to my this girls house, and she had the coolest Barbie doll I had ever seen. It was Aladdin, from the recently released Aladdin disney movie. It was awesome. It came with two costumes, Aladdin street rat, and Aladdin prince. It also had a little pet Apu! It could fly in my mind. Pure awesome. I played with it a couple of times at my friends house untill I couldn’t help myself and I asked my mom to get it for me for Christmas. In a house that didn’t allow any videogames (which at this time meant Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis), this was my best option that year. The girly toys had invaded my home. It was badass.

This went on and off till around 4th grade. After that I had changed schools, and lost of of my girlfriends so I had to play with boy stuff again. Well, it was good while it lasted.

I’m not ashamed of my dabbling into girls toys. It was awesome. I had a great time. Sometimes I would strip my dolls down and would make them dance naked. Totally not girly. And look at me now, a badass bro, ruling the world with my words. It was worth every minute.

-Maxim

Squiggly Lines Around the World: Canji Edition

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Squiggly lines are everywhere. I’m using them right now. You’ve probably used them too. They’re very convenient. But in my world travels, I’ve seen that different countries use different kinds of squiggly lines. Now, you may be asking yourself, “Why the hell would they use DIFFERENT squiggly lines? Our squiggly lines are just fine…and more American!” That’s a great question. I’ve been researching for days on the subject and I think I’ve found the reason. Most of them are anti-American, anti-Western hippies. Now I have been living in one of these countries for a while now, and I think I have begun to decipher some of their squiggly lines. If we could all try and learn some of their squiggly lines, I think we could really stick it to them. I will share with you some of my findings today.

Country: J-Land, Squiggly Lines: Canji (pronounced CAN like coke can, and JI like gee-whiz)

Now it has been said that there are over a million Canji in J-Land. From the outsiders perspective it may seem like a pretty daunting task to learn them all!  According to legend, they made the first Canji by just using the shape of the object to write the squiggly line. Neat, huh? Thanks to me I have found three of the simplest and most important Canjis. I will teach them to you today.

Canji #1

Canji number one is one of the most important squiggly lines in J-Land. It’s quite simple!

Remember, they based these squiggly lines off of real objects. What do you think it means? Take a guess!

You’re right! It is the Canji for person!

Canji #2:

Here is Canji number two. Equally as important as number one.

I know, it is a lot harder then Canji number one. Don’t get scared off! Just remember that they used REAL THINGS to make their system of squiggly lines! Do you have it?

Right again! It’s the Canji for mouth.

Canji #3

Here it is, the last Canji. Actually, it’s two for one! One of the most important in all of J-Land.

Have you figured it out yet? By now you should be a pro!

What could it be?Tetris of course!

Wow, great job! It’s the Canji for Tetris. Isn’t it amazing that they had the forethought to create a squiggly line for Tetris, even though it wouldn’t be created for thousands of years?

That does it for todays edition of Squiggly Lines Around the World. Remember these next time you’re in J-Land (and China!), and really stick it to those hippies.

Until next time!

-Maxim