Link Found Between Liking Cute Animals and Perverseness

Baby and CatThe liking of cute animals has been a staple of western civilization for centuries. In recent years, due to the advent of television and the internet, images of cute animals have spread across the globe. Countless books, television shows, and websites have been dedicated to the collection of cute animal pictures of videos for animal lovers viewing pleasure. However, a new psychological study shows that perhaps they’re doing this for something deeper than just a quick laugh. It has been found that there is a large link between liking and taking care of cute animals, and possible perverseness, more specifically, pedophilia.

In an experiment done at the University of Michigan, researchers were able to determine this perverseness via a controlled experiment using volunteers reactions to certain images. Researchers gathered a group of animal lovers, and another group with no strong feelings towards animals one way or another. The researches split the volunteers into two groups, with members from both the animal loving group and the neutral group. The control group was shown a set of pictures featuring cute animals, while the other group was given a set of images with a mix of not only cute animal photos, but pictures of children at the beach, children at the playground, children at school, children in the restroom, children playing in the dirt, children on slip and slides, children breast-feeding, and so on. For each picture, the viewers were able to select whether they had positive, neutral, or negative feeling towards what they were seeing.
Kid and Dog
The results were quite clear. From the control group, as expected, the animal lovers rated the animal pictures highly, while the neutral volunteers rated them for the most part in the middle. For the experiment group, not only did the animal lovers rate the animal pictures highly, an astounding 71% of the group also rated the pictures of children favorably. On the contrary, only 6% of the neutral group exposed to the children rated them favorably. What does this mean? There is an indisputable connection between liking cute animals and being attracted to children.

To most in the scientific community, this result serves as assurance of an idea already widely accepted. It is an easily observable fact that people scream who out at zoos in glee, or people who watch shows dedicated to just these animals, have some sort of psychological disorder. Now they have they proof they were after. The results are still preliminary, but researchers are now suggesting that parents keep their kids away from these freaks if seen. They may try to take your child as a pet and rape them.

Signing of from the zoo,

-Maxim
Baby and Cat Sleeping

Experiment on Cats

Glow in the dark catFor those of you living under a rock, perhaps one of the most exciting scientific discoveries of the 21st century was reported the other day. Scientists injected genes from several different animals into a feline egg. The boring part is that some of the injected genes come from AIDS resistant monkeys, with the intention that perhaps these genes would help fight off AIDS in the cats…whatever, not important. The interesting part is that they also injected genes from a certain type of awesome jellyfish. This very special type of jellyfish glow when ultraviolet light is shined on them. Again, they put these genes into the cats. So… glowy jellyfish genes + cats = glowing green cats? A joke? No, it’s serious. The experiments so far have been quite successful, the cats fucking glow. There are real pictures out there of glowing green kitties. And it doesn’t stop there; scientists are planning to continue the research in the effectiveness of these genes on the cats in the future. So we are experimenting on cats. And it totally rocks. Until now I could safely say that experimenting on animals was wrong. What good can out of testing shampoo on a monkey? But this? It changes everything. Imagine the possibilities. Glowing humans. Glowing penis. Real light sabers. What we need now is more cat experimentation.

I can see why a large percent of the population may not want to do this for cuteness reasons, but come on… haven’t any of you seen Cats vs. Dogs? Cats are evil. I feel like I am one of the few people in the world who understands this. And now that cats have been found useful to experiment on, I see no problem to let them regain their honor by voluntarily giving themselves in for the goodness of all mankind. What harm did a little glowy action ever do to anyone? I implore everyone in possession of a cat to turn it in to your local authorities so we can begin the experimentation as soon as possible, for the good of the world.

Now that we’ve established that experimenting on cats is ok, and you’re saving mankind by giving up your cats, we must look for ways to move the research forward. Glowing cats are incredible, but we must branch out from just glow, to other amazing potential augmentations. The question is, what should we do next? Should we go for multiple limbs, or laser eyes implants? The possibilities are endless. Love to hear your ideas.

We are entering a new age, ushered in by our scientific prowess, and cats. These are very exciting times. Let’s not keep the human race in the dark ages, the age with no glowing cats and humans. We can move out of the dark, and into the light! Experiment on more cats! Let’s do it!

Glowing Cat 2