Women Have Been Lying to Men for Thousands of Years

You know the old saying, “Giving birth is like squeezing something the size of a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon”. That’s what women use to describe that gross process to stupid men like me. But I’ve recently discovered evidence that this whole idea of a so called “painful childbirth”, is just a big rouse thousands of years in the making. Yes, a rouse just to give women an edge during fights with us guys. It’s the end all to any challenge of their power! What can we say back to “we give childbirth”? How about, “Well when we pass kidney stones, it hurts like hell, too”. Nah, that won’t work. We had nothing, until now.

The secret has been revealed, gentlemen. Giving birth to a child is actually an incredibly pleasurable experience. In fact, it gives many women orgasms. How can that be, you ask? Let’s hear what Dr. Christiane Northrup, an OBGYN and author of “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom”, has to say about it: “When the babies coming down the birth canal, remember, it’s going through the exact same positions as something going in, the penis going into the vagina, to cause an orgasm.” WHAT THE HELL!? You’re telling me that not only are women getting orgasms from giving birth, but the tool of that orgasm is their own baby going out of their vagina. Just think about that for a second.

First, why didn’t we realize this before, and second, GROSS! Women have made a grave mistake letting this secret slip out. No longer will women have the upper hand. No longer will we bow down and sit idly by while the control the earth. We know the truth. They’re just a bunch of goddamned baby perverts. Gross, gross, gross.

For more information about orgasms during childbirth, watch this.

10 thoughts on “Women Have Been Lying to Men for Thousands of Years

  1. lol I’ve heard of orgasms and childbirth. I guess if the woman didn’t get a happy ending during conception she might as well get it in the birthing process. Though there is something sick in the thought that passing a baby is orgasmic …

  2. Well isn’t the male equivaleny of the G-spot located in the anal passage? And isn’t taking a dump incredibly satisfying but also sometimes painful? So maybe we do understand giving birth a little more than what we have been led to believe.

    Also the drugs can help alleviate the pain. Maybe my mum is uber bad ass but she always says actresses are exagerrating the pain. If that is what my mum says, who am I to argue?

  3. i have had three babies in my life and pregnant with twin boys.i have one c-section one natrual unmedecated birth one with epidrual birth.because i had back labor and was extreme amount of pain i couldnt take pain of after 10 hours of the pain.any way you give birth its going to hurt.i love to see a man try to pass a seven to ten pound baby threw his penis.my first baby girl unmedacated 7 pound 3 once 22 inches long labor 26 hours long.my second baby a boy c-section 9 pounds .my third baby a girl 8 pounds .my twin boys i am labor with now at birth center that 7 pounds each that i having natrually right now.feeling those mind blowing contractions and grunt threw the pain .my husband and midwife and doula are coaching threw the birth and videotaping it.my girlfriend repeating thoughts what iam saying.i just got done pushing my babies out of me .my husband iam warrior for giving birth .i am done. this article orgasim at birth is dumb it didnt happen for me.at any of my birthes.i done having babies.

  4. I have had one child and she was a month early. weighing only 5 pounds and I was never in so much pain in my life! I did not orgasm, This article is stupid and as for the man who wrote it. Your plain mean who is just a lonely single guy who can’t get himself a girl so you lash out at us like this. Get a life loser. And note: CHILDBIRTH HURTS LIKE HELL!!!!

  5. fuck you loser, ask your mother if she had an orgamsm by giving birth to your big ass head, you should apppppreaciate your mom who gave you an opportunity to live, now GET A LIFE !

  6. You do realise how fucking dumb this is right. Everything about this is wrong. I am a woman who has had two children and i know many other women who have has children and none of use have ever experienced pleasure. Pictute something the size of 2 softballs comming out of the tip of your penis. Unless you yourself are there to feel the pain you can not believe it. Reading this thing gave me a headache do to how unaccurate this is. Next time talk to more then just one person who probably didn’t fail med school.

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