I feel like the older I get, the more I do things that can get me into trouble. I’m not talking about dumb trouble, like where you pimp slap your girlfriend for a very valiant and valid reason, and she won’t talk to you for a week. That’s easy to get out of: a nice firm smack on the butt and the good ol’ “make me a sandwich, beautiful” does it every time. Yeah, not that. What I’m talking about is the kind of trouble that can get you in jail (see Getting Out of Fights) and/or on the sexual predators list. So of course, being me, literally the day after I arrive back home I do just that.

I give you… the Drunken Subway Encounter.

Just tell me how lucky I am that this woman didn’t start screaming that I was sexual assaulting her on the train? She actually didn’t say anything… she probably liked it for all I know. I always get out of these situations completely unscathed. How do I do it, you ask? I get that a lot. It’s more simple than you think…

Perhaps, though, I should start being more careful. Next time I may not be so… wait, what am I talking about? I’ll be fine.