Recently, something called the “tea party” has gained popularity throughout the United States. I’ve had the distinct pleasure of having some dealings with the so called “tea” party and I have to say, they are a bunch of dirty liars. As a fellow tea lover myself, I graciously invited my local tea enthusiasts to my humble abode for a tea enthusiast get together. I was very excited. I painstakingly prepared a tea party that would impress even the most seasoned tea drinker; Tiny bite sized sandwiches, scones, biscuits, sweet tarts, crackers, and of course many different varieties of tea. I even drove all the way to the the fancy supermarket in Doylestown to get some extra special flavors.
When the faithful day finally came, however, I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. What an ignorant, stupid, and loud bunch of people. They put shame the namesake that they have so clumsely taken for their own. They are ruining my way of life. They are ruining everything! Why can’t they just change their name to something else? They don’t have tea parties! It doesn’t make any sense! What they call a tea party is just gathering at some place yelling and screaming about some guy named O-bam-a. Who the hell is O-bam-a!? Alabama? Is O-bam-acare some sort of medicinal tea that they all don’t like? I think NOT. They had no interest in my tea and sandwiches. They even had the audacity, after I specifically mentioned on my invitation to “dress for the wonderful occasion” to come in party costumes. I meant button downs and slacks, not 1776 Boston sailor univforms! Perverts! I’ve made a formal complaint to the Tea Association of the United States to let everyone know about these mad men. I hope they are brought to justice soon.
Signing off quite angrily,