It’s no secret that the goal of this blog is to be the best. To rise to the top, tear out the hearts of all, and rape their souls until they bend a knee to its greatness. However, the path to that glorious future has alluded me…until now. It came to me in a vision at a time I needed it most. A dream if you must, but it was a glorious dream. The vision had laid before me all the characters, all the pieces I would need to earn my reign as king of comedy, song, and the world. It made so much sense I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it earlier.
I was on a stage in front of thousands of people. They were silent. Watching me and one other. At first I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid and confused. Suddenly, my partner started singing: You are…my fire. The one…desire. I stood there silently, mind blank. The crowd was restless. Then, primal reflexes and talents began to emerge from me like a volcano erupting. I raised the microphone and began to sing: Believe…when I say… I want it that way. The crowd went wild.
Me and my partner did an entire show. We ran into the crowd, came in and out of secret entrances, popped out where no would expected us to, blew kisses to girls, crowd surfed, did backflips. It was epic. The concert ended with an encore performance of one of the greatest songs ever written, and four simple words…Backstreets back, all right! The place exploded. It was awesome. I was a star.
After the show we were chillin’ backstage. People were coming up to me, giving me high-fives. Yeah, I was the fucking man. Then superstar Nick Cannon came in. I wasn’t surprised to see him at all. He told me that whenever I wanted, he could get me into the recording studio and we would collaborate on a record. I intended to.
The vision was clear. I must join a Backstreet Boys cover band and seek out Nick Cannon. This is my quest. I was thrown into this world with no direction and no purpose, now, not only do I have a purpose, I have a gift. I went to karaoke the other day and sang “I want it that way” just to be sure. What came out of my mouth and into my ears was like a hundred virgin angels caressing my heartstrings. This is no joke.
Now nothing can stop me from my rightful fame.
Until then, keep it fresh.
P.S. 50th post! Woo hoo!