We Are Porn People

Most people eventually garner some sort of interest in their parents past、although they aren’t always willing to reveal it willingly. Hell, some people literally have to point a gun to their folk’s heads just to get anything out of them. My dad just happens to be one of those people. It took a good 24 years, but I finally thought I had a general idea of what my dad accomplished in his life. I was satisfied. I didn’t think I had to fish anymore. Little did I know that when I came home for Christmas, I would find out a family secret hidden from us children. Let me be the first to say, it was probably for the better.

If you have read this blog in the past, you may know that I’ve had some interesting sexual experiences in my life. Some completely volunteered, some forced down upon me. Well, it appears that this isn’t just something that I’ve been lucky (unlucky?) enough to experience…this shit runs in the family. We are porn people. A simple bunch, really…but inextricably locked to the world of porn. Why? Listen to this.

So I was wondering aimlessly around my house, mindin’ my own business when I found myself in my parent’s room. My dad, as usual, was relaxing in his chair, simultaneously writing furiously, and switching between watching the oldest movies in existence, and a local horse racing channel. On my parents dresser, I noticed a book. Not a particularly strange sight, as we have a thousand books in places all over the house, but I picked it up and looked at it absent-mindedly anyway.

The book was called ‘Isle of Lust’ by Levi Sanford. On the cover was a woman facing away, hugging a man, and wearing a dress that gave us a very detailed look at her rear end. The tagline was: “With sultry sirens in the sun, every day is SIN-day”. This book was old too, the pages had turned that ting of orange like all books over 30 years old did. The price was proudly displayed right next to the title, 60 cents. “What is this shit?” I wondered, knowing that this wasn’t exactly the kind of books my parents read. “Hey, Dad? What is this smut book doing on your dresser?” I asked. “Oh, yeah…I wrote that.” He responded, quite nonchalantly. “You wrote it? But who’s Levi Sanford?” I asked. “Yeah, that’s my pen name; I had a lot of back then. Wrote a bunch of soft-core smut novels.” An intense feeling of joy filled up my heart. All I could think after that was, “I am so reading this”.

After some pushing, I find out that my dad, looking for work writing after college, did freelance for this smut publishing firm. He could write anything he wanted with one condition, there had to have a sex scene every ten pages. Only ten!? Don’t worry, my dad assured me there was no penetration.

So how did my dad do? Here’s one of the many gems from Isle of Lust by Levi Sanford:

A cold shiver of dread and excitement swept over him and he found her lips.  They were soft and wet and half-parted allowing his darting tongue to enter.  Their teeth clicked as the soft crushing kiss turned into a thousand tiny bites till her could taste the sweetness of blood. Her body writhed in sensuous rhythm as she guided his hand to secret, sensitive spots, urging him to probe and dig, uttering short commands.

He could see her lips moving as though she were praying, but it wasn’t prayers that he heard. She was mouthing all sorts of foul obscenities as his hands and his body twisted and pressed her soft flesh.

I don’t know about you, but I already have a boner.

Oh, so you think Isle of Lust looks great? Check out some of these other titles by none other than my old man.

The Moonlighters by Gil Herbert: The shocking story of a small factory town that gave birth to a call-girl ring made up of the wives of the night-shift workers!!!

Ginny by Gil Herbert: An office girl with intentions…intentions less than honorable!

The Sin Travelers by Don Holliday: They wanted kicks… and they didn’t care how they got them!

If you want to get your hands on some of these vintage classics, head over to this great website, vintagesleaze.com, for all of your vintage sleaze needs! Yes, this is a real site, and yes, there are people who collect and sell this shit to people who think today’s smut isn’t enough… they need the granny smut.

So yes, it’s no wonder that my life has been lined with all the naughty and gross things in the world. It is in my DNA. We are porn people and I won’t deny it any longer! Why don’t you try asking your parents about their past? You may find out you’re a porn person too!

Have a great one!

Sincerely,

-Maxim

9 thoughts on “We Are Porn People

  1. Great post, and well written too! I thought the book would just be something your parents read, but to know your father wrote it – that’s a whole new level of pride! Encourage him to make a comeback!

  2. Sad that you had to wander through life for so long not knowing where you truly came from; but now you can be the real you!

  3. I have a hard time deciding which part of this post is the funniest, because it’s all hilarious. It’s between the fact they wanted sex scenes every 10 pages (wtf?? is there any room for plot??) and your dad’s fake pen names, which sound like the monikers of actual porn stars. Or the book covers themselves–the size of that girl’s ass for Isle of Lust is hysterical

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